Well, it has been a wild ride, my friends, and I am slowly coming back to a place where I can write again and share. Thank you for your comments, your concerns, and your thoughts. The construction project started to close down around me like a vice, and I had to come to grips with a couple of pretty serious realities in the last two weeks. Not surprisingly, they have to do with accepting one's own limits.
First of all, let me start with the results. The wine cellar is completed. We have also decided to suspend all future construction work for the next period in time, live with our two beautiful guest rooms, our new kitchen and our pool for the 2010 season. The reason is simple. After the year I had, I am simply tired. I cannot fathom the idea of closing this B&B down in October and seeing the construction truck come up the hill the next day. My brain closed shut when I thought about it, and my body followed suit. And when your mind and your body shut down, it is time to start listening to your soul. In this case my soul was saying, "Time to stop, Diana."
I am so relieved to have come to this conclusion. What worries me is that I let myself get so exhausted before we made the decision. I have to learn to start listening to myself. If I don't, this project does not continue. It can't. So I have to stay healthy. And so do you. This is a message to all of you. Learn your limits before your limits stop you in your tracks. Because they will.
The barn was becoming my nemesis, my worst nightmare, because I was letting it and its restructuring control my every thought. I now see that the barn is just a barn. If we get it done someday, fine. If not, someone else will finish it. I am making it my mantra to not worry about it anymore. It is something that will take care of itself.
Something else happened in this time. Our neighbor and best friend here, Franco Parodi, who is the farmer across the road, is seriously ill. He is the person who taught Micha to use a chain saw, who planted my sunflowers, who has helped us in so many ways and directions that I don't know where to start. We are in shock. We can only pray at this point.
That was my wake up call. I have decided that losing my health, my precious health, over a barn is just, well, ridiculous. I am letting myself heal though, because my body and mind are more exhausted than I ever imagined possible. We are not heavily booked for June and July because we were going to try to get that third room done before all the permission problems started, and I had originally scheduled our opening for August. I am going to take this as a blessing instead of being scared of the financial repercussions.
I am going to lay by my pool. I am going to pet my dog. I am going to hold hands with my husband. I am going to sleep. I am going to read. I am going to eat only healthy foods. I am going to rest. If I want to create I will but I will not be driven to it.
The guests we have will have a relaxed me instead of perfectly weeded flower beds.
Thank you for being here, for waiting for me. I might not be writing as often right now as I have in the past, but I will try to bring insights from this part of my journey on a hill in Italy.